I’ll show you the crazy things you can do in PHP with streams and autoloader overloading to write your own language features. I’ll also show you how you can develop using aspect-orientated programming or encrypt source code on-the-fly using only PHP. As if that wasn’t enough, we’ll go even further and make PHP a polyglot language by importing esoteric language scripts! These aren’t your average hacks and shouldn’t be run in production... but let’s explore these concepts as fun experiments so you’ll never think of PHP as boring again!


Comments are closed.

Thanks for this, it's was very intresting and well explain!

Petar Petrov at 12:12 on 8 Jun 2019

Went super fast.

James Titcumb at 12:42 on 8 Jun 2019

Good talk, interesting and fun. Ran a little short but I think that was fine 🤘

Dennis C. at 13:20 on 8 Jun 2019

Super interesting and a great pace. Wouldn’t have minded some more crazy examples of “this is what we can do now we have built this”, but that’s more for laughs and less for learning

Mike Lehan at 15:31 on 8 Jun 2019

The talk idea was very interesting, and stating stuff like ignoring performance was sensible. I'd have liked to see whether there really were any production applications for this stuff, or if our experiments/learning for unsafe stuff could translate into usable things.

Erwin Deckers at 15:37 on 8 Jun 2019

Enjoyable talk that triggered the mind with ideas. Entertaining.

Nash van Gool at 19:58 on 8 Jun 2019

Good talk showing the more interesting, unexpected side of what PHP can do! Also, I'm totally going to completely ignore your advice, and use what I saw in production.

The title and abstract are a bit misleading. The talk is mostly about (ab)using stream handlers / wrappers to do pre-compilation. Very interesting idea.
Good delivery.

Paul James at 21:16 on 8 Jun 2019

Fun crazy talk nicely explained. Created a lot of points of discussion afterwards.


Well brought talk : engaging and filled with bits of humour, just the way I like it.
I certainly learned a thing or two ( thousand :) ), which is always great.


Time constraints made it run a little bit short, which affected pacing.
I left the talk feeling a bit 'unsatisfied' : I expected a few more different types of fun experiments. However : that could be my fault entirely : reading back the talk description I should have known :)

All in all, a good talk given by a natural speaker, but perhaps I expected a little bit more diversity in the fun experiments. However, I will definitely check out Aspect Oriented Programming.

Tim Huijzers at 00:19 on 10 Jun 2019

I love talks like this where it's not all about the knowledge to get something in production but about the dark corners of our profession and the tools that we use.

Bart V at 19:38 on 10 Jun 2019

Excellent talk. Didnt notice any anxiety just a few more examples timewise maybe, but well we had an early lunch so all was good after all and it could only bring us to more bad ideas ;)

Good talk, always fun to see what strange things we can do with php. Just hope we won't have to find them in the wild.

De Fix at 11:06 on 11 Jun 2019

Sorry to say, but was expecting more fun.

Ronald D. at 15:01 on 11 Jun 2019

Good talk, I expected a bit more craziness and fun, but it was interesting nevertheless.

It almost felt like a gathering of villains trying to think of evil ways to implement custom stream wrappers.